Day Four

Day 4

Made to Last Forever

Well I know I’m made to last for something! My gosh how many times have I already died or should have been dead? You would think just have I had in the past that I was indestructible! That is sort of how I lived my life. Like I knew I was supposed to live for a long time so I lived to take chances and risks where others said I will just sit here and watch you Mike, you go and have your fun if that is what you call fun. And that is just what I did. Way deep down I knew there was a purpose to my life. I knew I could GET AWAY with a lot more than what I was supposed to. Arrogant would have been a good word to describe me. One of the lines in one of my rhymes says “Catch me catch me if you can, if you do you’ll be my fan”, a perfect example of that. Forgive me Lord. Even all you did to try to humble me, and it took a lot, I still continued with that attitude of living life like there was no tomorrow.

Even though it’s been more that four days to do day four, my days are radically different. I am always concerned with my mental health what’s going on. Is this real? Is this something that is going to last? Is it a cycle? Is it the medication? I don’t think so. What’s going on started immediately when God said He released me when I got honest the day I spoke with my doctor. How could I go from the deepest darkest depression I have ever been in to the happiest day of my life in a just a moment? God put my thumb in Psalms 116 and when I got to verse 16 it said and I quote “He loosed my bonds”. Now I have read verses like this many many times in my life, but still I struggled with many things. So were those verses NOT TRUE? NO. I just wasn’t in a place to receive them in a way that I could be ready or that I had done my part yet. This time my part had been done. I had to lay it down first. So now when I live like there is no tomorrow the phrase has new meaning. It means there is no time to waste. One I was never important, to myself. I didn’t care about taking care of myself, even the little things like a shower in the morning, feeding my spirit. I look forward to all of it when I wake up now. I can’t start my day without them. It’s not a rush job either. I enjoy the process of all of it. I find the time of praise and worship lasting longer and longer each morning. Plus it’s all apart of His purpose for me as it is spent on the keyboard. The rest of my days have been nothing but ministry for others. Whether it is writing letters to someone in jail, looking for a way to get a bible to Steve who is in jail, opening up my home for friends from church, studying, feeding my neighbor who is struggling, and talking her and her boyfriend through their struggles at midnight and praying with them. I find my whole day is spent with doing for others instead of being lazy in front of a television, sleeping in bed, getting high, or feeling depressed anymore. Sundays is an all day event at church, as is Wednesday with counseling with my Pastor, then Bible study in the evenings. Friday nights is another night for church and fellowship with believers. The phone is a tool for prayer every day with prayer partners. Email is constantly going back and forth with encouragement, the internet is being used to minister and spread the word and testimony instead of a tool to sin and fall into the traps I used to. I still get to sleep at night restful and peaceful. I awake with expectations of a new day and hope that today I will accomplish more than yesterday and see and meet someone that I can share my life with where ever I go. I thank God that He kept me here. Daily others tell me they thank God that He has kept me here for them in some way. I see purpose to my life everyday. In everything I do. I love it when others come to me and ask me for something that I can do for them, for help in the smallest way that to them is the biggest thing in the world to them. They don’t always know it but at that moment, I AM BLESSED, OVER AND OVER AGAIN, THANK YOU LORD, KEEP ON SENDING YOU BLESSINGS, KEEP LETTING ME KNOW WHY YOU HAVE KEPT ME HERE EVERY TIME SOMEONE NEEDS ME TO HELP THEM.