Day One

My Purpose Driven Life

Day One

It All Starts With God

I was always glad my life started with God, being brought up in church. Beginning with my maternal grandmother passed on to my mom and on to me. It really was my only sense of peace in my young confused and fearful mind. God wasn’t a hard concept to understand. I am glad now that I understand it that I was CHOSEN by God. Especially now that I know that at least 3 of my neighbors are self proclaimed atheist, does this mean that they are NOT chosen or that their time has not yet come? But still they are 3 of the nicest neighbors I have ever had so go figure, being atheist, a life without a belief in anything, hasn’t caused them to become anything bad or left them with anything even close to struggles that I have had in my life. They just have nothing to look forward to later on, and that is the sad part I guess. What is life if this is all there is?

Genesis says “Let US make man is OUR image”. But did it say “Why” they wanted to make man in the first place? I understand the concept of angels and no choice but to serve Him and Us with FREE WILL but why did GOD decide to create a world with such beings that world eventually chose to make all the wrong decisions and destroy what he had given them? It’s like Panasonic or General Motors who think they have come up with the “Next Best Thing” but no matter how good the warranty is, you know it will eventually fall apart, need repairs to keep it going and sooner or later, it will become worthless and just give out and die, it’s purpose is but for a short time. So it is with us. Sooner or later, we will too.

From early on in my life, with all the negative influences telling me that I was different, bad, no good, etc, trying to believe that I could ever have a purpose was something so far out of reach just learning to survive seemed like an uphill battle. When ever I found something I was good at, it never lasted. It always went away and got replaced by something else or taken away due to circumstances or my own loss of interest. So my feelings on the subject became one of “well I guess that wasn’t meant to be” or “I guess I’ll never be good at anything” or “nothing ever lasts”. Those three little phrases seemed to be at the fore front of most of the things I have tried or gotten involved with. Whether it was a job a hobby, a project, it just never stuck. Some might say that it was because of that Bi-polar thang I grew up with. My own brain had an influence on me and the way my life seemed to go. But then again that same thang was also what gave me all the energy and motivation to try and succeed at everything I have done. WHO KNOWS? I am still trying to figure this out right?

But how can I ever understand ME until I understand HIM? I know this is why you and I Pastor are here together, and why it’s not me and another therapist. I have spent years trying to figure out what went wrong. What caused this, or that? Why did I become this way or chose this lifestyle or have certain feelings or attractions? Or chose to want to destroy myself, kill myself? Hurt others in the process. I have spent years searching for these kinds of answers. I even heard it said one time that “psychology was mans answers for mans problems”. Is this really true? I would like an answer to this one. It was Teen Challenge that told me this when they didn’t want to deal with my issues and I had told them that my mom had taken me to three different “Christian” therapist that all gave her the same answer, “Mr. and Mrs. Carpenter, I am sorry to tell you this but your son is gay, I can’t change him, but I can help him LIVE WITH who HE IS! They all 3 said the same thing. So I believed them too, if it was coming from men with degrees on the wall IT MUST BE TRUE right? Imagine my poor parents. And all we got from that Pastor Borror was “haven’t you prayed about it?” What was there to pray for? How do you pray for something like that? He had no idea? Just pray. Well I added up the years between 11 and 21, multiplied them by 365 and told him that was the number of days I had been praying so far. I figured if God hadn’t figured out how to come up with an answer for me in that many days He probably was at just as much as a loss as the pastor was. So I gave up and gave in and decided to become GOOD AT SOMETHING. What a fine mess I had gotten myself into Gomer Pyle. Who know who I do feel sorry for, my Guardian Angel. How many requests for a change of venue or leave of absence he must have put in for time and time again? This is a tough one God. But I think he is finally getting his reprieve.

Our or my purpose isn’t necessarily to succeed at the things I am good at in life, anyone can do that. But to know the One who made us in such a way as He desires I believe is a goal very few ever obtain.