DAY 12
Developing My Friendship with God
Discovering MY Passion
After reading this chapter, God revealed something to me that He saw in me. It wasn’t something He saw in me now but something He has always seen in me. That what ever it was I was in love with, I was passionate about that love. Whether it was my drug, my sex life, but more importantly my feelings with Camacho, I was passionately IN LOVE with him. I had to be or how else could I have put aside my spoon and my needle without even thinking about them? And why was I passionately in love with him? Because I believed that was how he felt about me. He came looking for me after the first time we met. Then only after a month after we met was when I got sick for the first time and went into the hospital. We had only seen each other a hand full of times. I had to come home and tell this man of 26 that the reason I was in the hospital was to find out that I was diagnosed with full blown AIDS and only had 6 months to live and you had been making love to me. Imagine having to tell that to someone, especially to an ex gang banger from
So what is the difference between him and God? All of us at time in our life are dead to God in our sins. And He still loved us, no matter what. It’s the reason we should all be passionate about our love back to him, because He first loved us. I knew without any doubts where my life had taken me. The mire and the pits I had put myself in. And if you remember reading yesterdays notes, I got pretty crazy and disturbed in my own mind just fighting with my own addictions and still not willing to give them up. I knew what would happen when I got high but I still would do it anyway. That was passion for my drug. I was willing to give my life for something.
So is it any wonder God saw the Passion in me and knew that when I got to this point in my life that the passion of Mike Carpenter would be directed in such a way that when used for Him that I would become an unstoppable force of nature so to speak that could be used for anything He needed to accomplish? Yes to all of it. Just give me a task and point me in any direction and see what takes place. I would do anything to accomplish what I needed to do to get what needed to be done for my desires in the past so what’s the difference now. Not a thing.
This all started when I got HONEST one day in February with my doctor about my addiction to the medication I had been on for thirteen years and had her remove it and the access from me. Once that was out of reach and out of my life, God was free to move in and take over every room in my heart. No more lying or hiding from the world over something that had control over me. I took back and gave back the control of my life to Him. I love the story my pastor preached on Palm Sunday when Jesus asked two of His disciples to go get Him the donkey to ride into town on. They just obeyed Him without question. So often I hear His voice in my head telling me to do something but in the past I have been either not able to listen or not willing to obey out of fear or skepticism, but now I just do what is asked of me. I know what He wants me to do and that is how I plan my days. I know His purpose for me and follow it. I listen to the signs that He is giving me through other people. I want what HE wants because I know just from my past going after my desires only came to frustration and heartache. But more than anything else, although I respect Him for being the God of my life, I need Him to be that friend that walks beside me everyday of my life. He is the one that has saved my life but He is also the one that holds me up every day of my life. He is the one that shares the day with me in the mornings and the afternoons and in the evenings. If He didn’t I’d be a pretty lonely man.
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