Day Twenty Eight

Day 28

It Takes Time

“I want it NOW” or “I want it MY WAY” are common catch phrases we hear every day when it comes to many things in life. The worst is standing in front of the microwave and saying HURRY UP! You can’t cook or heat up something any faster but still people get impatient and say hurry up in front of the microwave. If the microwave isn’t fast enough for some people, imagine their impatience with God when it comes to their prayer life. They probably get real frustrated if what they prayed for last night didn’t happen by the time they woke up in the morning. And when they realize that it didn’t happen just the way they prayed, I bet they have a lousy day all day wondering why God didn’t answer their prayer just the way they prayed the night before. Then there are people like me who started praying for things at the age of eleven and prayed every day every minute of the day it seemed like and nothing ever seemed to happen but still I just kept on praying believing that someday God would answer me just the way I was praying but HE never did, and still hasn’t to this day. At least now I know what Paul meant by living with a thorn in his side. So I guess I do have something in common with someone in the bible. Just because we pray for something doesn’t mean we are always going to get the answer we want. And when we don’t it doesn’t mean He didn’t hear us either. It just has taken a lot of time for me to understand this lesson or this part of my life and to be willing to accept this part of my life and learn to let God use this part of my life as He sees fit. It sure as given me opportunities that no one else could ever understand or areas of ministry that no one else could ever reach into. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. If this is true I should be the HULK of the Christian world then with all the things that have tried to take my life and all the time I have tried to take my own life, and all that God has seen me through and brought me though, God’s faith in me has been much stronger than mine has ever been. But has time as gone by, He has helped me to realize that I can accomplish much more than I ever thought I could, that He has kept me around for much more than I ever thought I was created for, and that from the very beginning His plan for my life has always been much greater than I could have ever seen. Why else would I have made it this far after so much despair and so many traumas in my life, just to sit back and watch life pass me by day after day? But because there have been so many and so much that has happened over the years, it will naturally take a great amount of time to reshape and refocus my life in a direction that would be positive and stable enough to have meaning and a solid foothold. Trying to walk on water with a head full of doubts would be foolish. But a mind that is clean and free from worry and free from guilt and free from shame is a mind that can do great and mighty things and this takes time, time that comes from spending it with God and with others daily that are of the same mind, time daily of replacing old ways with new ways, time daily of spending it in prayer and studying His word. Learning to rely on Him for every area of my life, not just the ones that I am comfortable with but also the ones that I have trouble trusting in. Being willing to face issues that I can see and also being willing to face issues that other point out to me that I can’t see in myself.

But it won’t happen over night, or the next night. As long as I am alive there will always be things to change in me, lessons to learn, wounds to heal, and areas of my life that will need growth. Just when I think I have learned to be patient in one area of my life, there will always be another area that comes up that I have trouble with that is there to humble me. To keep me looking to Jesus for help and guidance, and of course there is always going to be that THORN in my side. It like a line in a movie I once saw, people were at a home after a Jewish funeral and someone said “Why are the mirrors covered up?” So we don’t see the pain in our faces. “Why are we sitting on boxes?” To make sure there is Pain in our faces! There is always going to be something in our, my life that is going to be there to remind us to lean on God because when there isn’t I begin to feel comfortable and feel a little bit like a God in my own life and think I have control of everything. This is where I start forgetting that God is in control, that God wants to be number one in my life. That He wants to be the center of my life. I need things in my life to have a reason to depend on Him for. Then as I conquer them one at a time, I can feel a sense of accomplishment in my life. I can see the growth in my life. I can see that we are in this life together and that I am not in it all alone. That God is on my side. This is a great feeling to have and to walk in everyday. It builds confidence and self esteem. It builds character and self worth knowing that the God and creator of the universe is deeply concerned for me and my daily comings and goings, even the little things in my life, the struggles and the triumphs. When people realize that God is on their side day after day after day, the possibilities are endless. You begin to trust in yourself for things that you never thought possible before. The light at the end of the tunnel gets brighter and brighter. It may not be quick, it may not be fast. It may not be the Burger King “have it your way”, but it will be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing, right on time, the way God intended it to be, if you will only be patient, willing to be honest, and willing to let God do for you what you can not do for yourself, then you will become just what He wants you to be. I will become just what He wants me to be. A mirror image of His son Jesus Christ.